Progression of an Idol

Our home group is studying the Peace Maker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande.  Our latest chapter was on the progression of an idol.  To me idols are pretty serious business.  If you have an idol interfering with your worship, its akin to cheating on God, prostituting yourself to some other lover.

Sande points out that conflicts reveal our idols.  First we have a desire, maybe even a healthy desire.  For example, "I desire peace in my home."  Not a bad thing.  It all starts to go bad when we elevate that desire to an unhealthy level and make it a demand.  When that demand is not met, say two small children decide to hold a pep rally in the living room, we begin to judge.  "My unhappiness is your fault.  You are to blame for my anger and annoyance."  Then we punish.  It doesn't have to be physical; it could be withholding affection, giving the silent treatment, lashing out, or hiding in the bathroom.  Whatever it is, we communicate that they will pay for our displeasure.

And that's how it becomes an idol.  We're no longer trusting God to be our only source of peace, joy, security, meaning, value.  We're saying what He did at Calvary isn't enough.  "In addition, God, I must also have ____________ in order to feel loved, valued and happy.  And if I can't have that, I can't possibly be held accountable to love others."  We become consumed with thoughts of this desire turned demand, we nurture it and it becomes a defining characteristic of our personality. "Yes, I'm the frazzled mom that can't possibly be satisfied with life right now; have you seen what I put up with all day?  I'll find my satisfaction later when my sleep isn't constantly interrupted."

Looking at it this way, it is obvious that idols run rampant in my heart.  And their plurality doesn't make them less significant.   Father God, show me the idols that I run to instead of You.  Ground me in the truth that You are enough and that my worth, my satisfaction are all about You, not others.

School Progress

We're about ten weeks into the first year of homeschooling.  That includes one intentional week off and several unintentional days off.  Naturally, we are behind on what I had planned for us thus far, but I'm pleased with our progress.  It feels good that I am learning along the way as well...about myself, my daughter, our relationship with each other.

I saw a light bulb moment this week as we practiced skip counting by 2's.  That was so encouraging to see her get it and think through it.  We've been working on counting to 100, and now we're moving into skip counting for math.  We've talked about the color wheel for art and had some practice blending colors. We've begun handwriting a little earlier than I planned, but she's doing well.  We need more free practice, though.

About three weeks ago, we hit a total wall with reading lessons.  I called my sister for advice while A bawled in her room.  I knew I couldn't give up because it would reinforce her giving up.  We were at an impasse.  My sister gave me a very encouraging pep talk and some great advice.  Unfortunately, it was heavy on the "make learning fun" ideas, which are my Achille's heel.

It was true, though.  I was trying to make A learn how to read like I would study for a graduate exam.  Just trudge through the dry workbook, check it off for the day, and be done.  I totally lack in the "fun" department.  So we took a week off, then spent another week just reading through BOB books.  This week, I only have two workbook lessons on the plan plus some phonics bingo, BOB books, and new library books for her to read aloud.

We're using a new chart that shows her what we're doing for school each day and she can stamp it done when we are done.  It also has space for an attitude face at the bottom of each day (another of my sister's great ideas).  She gets three chances (two eyes and a nose) to change a bad attitude before the face ends up frowning.  If we make it to the end of the day with no frown, then it gets a smile.  I printed out a hundred chart and posted that where she can stamp how many books she has read.  We've made it to 12 in a week.

I'm learning to be flexible.  She's learning to talk to me about what she's feeling instead of digging her heels into a nasty attitude.  I'm learning that breaks are good and I have such incredible examples of well-done homeschool.  I still need help, and will always need help, with making learning enjoyable.  I need to take that into account when I choose my curriculum.  My goal is to foster a love for learning and that won't happen if it's no fun.  I'm so glad we started this year, to have this ramp-up time, this learning curve before kindergarten.  I know I'll keep learning about us as the years progress, but I'm grateful for a practice year.

Hallelujah! What a Savior!

I'm reading--ever so sporadically--Radical by David Platt.  It's definitely getting some buzz in the blogosphere.  I don't think I'm to that part yet.  But I was overcome by this vivid picture of Christ's love for me:

"What happened at the Cross was not primarily about nails being thrust into Jesus' hands and feet but about the wrath due your sin and my sin being thrust upon his soul.  In that holy moment, all the righteous wrath and justice of God due us came rushing down like a torrent on Christ himself.  Some say, 'God looked down and could not bear to see the suffering that the soldiers were inflicting on Jesus, so he turned away.' But this is not the case.  God turned away because he could not bear to see your sin and my sin on his Son.

One preacher described it as if you and I were standing a short hundred yards away from a dam of water ten thousand miles high and ten thousand miles wide.  All of a sudden that dam was breached, and a torrential flood of water came crashing toward us.  Right before it reached our feet, the ground in front of us opened up and swallowed it all.  At the Cross, Christ drank the full cup of the wrath of God, and when he had downed the last drop, he turned the cup over and cried out, 'It is finished.'

This is the gospel.  The just and loving Creator of the universe has looked upon hopelessly sinful people and sent his Son, God in the flesh, to bear his wrath against sin on the cross and to show his power over sin in the Resurrection so that all who trust in him will be reconciled to God forever."

Thank you, Jesus!  Hallelujah!

Here Comes #3!

Sorry it's been a ridiculously long time since my last blog post.  But I'll make up for it with exciting news...we're expecting baby #3!!  It's still very early in the pregnancy, maybe 7 or 8 weeks, so I don't have an official due date yet; but we're guessing early June.  By my standards, that's cutting it awfully close for too-hot-to-handle summer temps.  Brace yourself now for the whining.

They say that each successive pregnancy has more intense symptoms and they generally happen earlier in the pregnancy.  I'm willing to concede that point so far with the yucky, gross feeling that comes in waves throughout the day.  Ditto on the fatigue.  But I still feel very fortunate that I can ward off my symptoms with some saltines and a snooze.

So now my posts will take on a new element.  Life as usual, plus pregnancy.  I estimate it will be January before we find out if I have to change the blog title.  Stay tuned.

Goodbyes

Today we said goodbye to Peter Mr. Beta Fish.  It became apparent yesterday morning that he was not long for this world when I saw him just lying on the rocks at the bottom of his bowl using all of his energy to gulp big breaths.  I prepared A by letting her know that Peter didn't look well, that he might be sick.  She thought he probably just needed a break.  By late afternoon, I knew he was gone.  She kept coming back to check and see if he had moved.  This morning, she noted that he hadn't moved all night long.

So after naps today we discussed funeral plans.  She suggested putting him in the trash; I countered with flushing him to the ocean.  Really, I knew that we wanted to do a little burial.  As hard as it would be to talk it through, I knew it was a good opportunity to introduce death and temporary goodbyes.  J agreed, so we talked about Peter's body being empty now and how he was with Jesus in heaven (I know...we bent the theology a bit to make it applicable.  I figure we can straighten that out later.)  She colored a pretty picture and wrote "Peter" on it.  Daddy folded it into a little box and we tromped outside in the drizzle to lay Peter to rest.

It wasn't until Daddy was covering the hole that the tears came.  "But what about Peter?!" she bawled.  I immediately followed suit.  It's not the goodbye to the fish that got to me, but the goodbye to a little bit of her innocence.  This was a baby step into the harsh reality that the world is not all fairies, rainbows and ballerinas.  I was so sad to see her sadness.  I am glad that we persevered and took the opportunity to have a tough conversation.  And I don't think she'll be upset for very long.  She was asking for a new fish before we made it back inside.

Again?!

Yes.  Again with the, "When did you do that?! And where was I?!  How on earth?!"

In case you can't tell, that's pencil scribbles all over the wall.  When I first saw it, I made her come and listen to my scolding about how we don't write on the walls, only on paper.  Then she peeked around the corner and showed me the other wall she had scribbled on.  I gasped in shock and she thought that was funny, so she pointed across the hall to yet another example of her artistic license.  I was speechless.

As I was supervising the scrubbing, A asked if she had ever written on the walls when she was little and I told her no, this was the first incident of misdirected art at our house.  (I'm so glad it was pencil.)  But I can say with a smile on my face that the writing's on the wall...baby #2 ain't like baby #1.

Tiny Dancer

Yesterday was our first dance lesson.  It was a fun experience, in spite of the tornado warning that went through town while we were at the studio.

Notice no ballet shoes in that picture?  I'd been scrounging all over town to find a pair in her size that I didn't have to pay full price for.  As I tell A, we "really didn't want to spend extra dollars that way."  Can I just say that God totally provided!  I had all of the other pieces of her outfit and had saved more than half what the studio was charging so far.  But I had resigned myself to paying their price for the shoes.  We went in early so we could do our shopping and God provided a pair in her size that were FREE in the used bin!!  Thank you, God!

All the mommies watching through the one-way window were very impressed that the teacher got the little dancers to all line up on tape spots on the floor on the first day.  I was also amazed at how quickly you can transform a little girl into a prima donna.  Apparently, all you need is wall-to-wall mirrors, head-to-toe pink, a ponytail, some noisy fun tap shoes and her hands on her hips.

As she came out of the room, I asked her if she had fun and she nodded a very approving yes while showing off the lollipop she got.  Nothing like a little sugar to keep 'em coming back for more.

We'll do one 45-minute lesson each week.  Part of the time is spent learning ballet and another part on tap.  It's a real shame we don't have one of those special black floors at our house to practice tap dancing on.